10 Reasons my Man Mate is Better Than Yours

Frank and I just discovered that our 5 year "anniversary" is coming up on the 22nd and so I'm compiling a list of what is the greatness of Frank, my man mate.

Lots of women spend lots of time (men too) complaining about their men. He never takes out the trash, he never remembers my birthday, I'm always picking up after him, he'd rather watch football than listen to me, he never takes me out to dinner...blah blah blah blah blah... the list could go on forever. Its at these times however that I, Ella the blaberfuckingmouth, sit silently. I may be mouthy but I try not to be hurtful and when others are complaining about their shitty partners, its just not nice to say.."yeah Honey, I hear ya. Have I told you lately how my man mate rocks?!" So for all the times I kept my trap shut here's why my man mate is better than yours.

1. While your man forgot to buy you a gift for "insert important holiday here", my man mate MADE me a gift. Yes thats right, I said he MADE me a gift, from scratch. and not some stupid cardboard "hand made" card either. A REAL gift. One year he made me a giant cross on a chain. Not to wear around my neck but to hang on the wall. An actual real live piece of artwork, and its beautiful with each link hand welded. The following year he made me a silver ring, and it FIT.
   
2. While your man refuses to take out the trash without you asking 15 times, my man remembers to leave money for the housekeeper, takes out the trash and the recycling AND packs me a lunch. He also helps cook dinner (he's an amazing chopper and loves to bread and roast mushrooms with garlic), organizes the yard, cleans oil off the driveway, does laundry (even if he doesn't fold it), stops at the bank, picks up groceries on the way home etc etc etc. He doesn't do all these things every day but y'all (You Guys if your from the N.E), my man is so not lazy. He's the best. I'm pretty sure I'da hung myself with my own rope already if it wasn't for him.
3. While when you heard a noise coming from the kitchen late at night and after saying "honey, honey, honey" & tapping him on the shoulder 15 times your man opened one eye and said "Babe, it was nothing, go back to sleep", My man jumped up out of bed the second he heard me squeal in the bathroom over a giant roach. He got up, skillfully disposed of the creature and went back to bed without a complaint. He's also armed, so those bumps in the night have him throwing on his clothes and out the bedroom door before I can even notice. He checks the back yard and the front..sometimes even around the corners and in the closets. My man mate ain't no pussy, nor is he dismissive of my fears, and there fore I don't have to have any. Sleep tight Ella Love.
4. There is a drip in your faucet, hole in your roof, thumping under your hood etc. 'insert maintenance problem here'. While your man ignores you, says "what was that again?", or tells you to call the plumberoofermechanicguy, my man can, and does fix the problem. If he doesn't know the immediate solution, he looks it up, but honestly I've never seen a damn thing Frank can't fix (sometimes not on the first try or even the fourth, but that shit gets done). He also bought a non running motorcycle from a guy and made it run again after never having fixed one before, changes the oil and the brakes in my car and pulled a piece of glass that was loged in my foot out without causing me an ounce of pain.
5. When you decided to go on a diet your man kept bringing home cheeseburgers for himself while you ate lean cuisines. (BASTARD!) Frank my meat eating man mate, agreed to go vegan with me the first of this year. Again he never complains (except jokingly). Not only that, HE keeps ME on track by continually telling me we're doing the right thing. He only agreed to do it for the first quarter but now he's saying he thinks he might like to try it out a little longer, how do I feel about that? Aww honey.
6. Your man gets jealous when the insurance salesman smiles at you for a second longer than he should, Frank and I live with my best friend and ex lover (male). In fact they are great friends. He's also fine with me having a girlfriend he doesn't get to have sex with. I'm not sure why this is. I guess Frank is pretty secure with himself and his place in my life, but even when his place wasn't as secure as it is now, he was totally cool. Its a good thing too cause Ella doesn't like to be caged! No way man.
   
7. Your man is 29 and that college beer gut has expanded to his ass - Frank was in the best shape of his life at 35 and doing Jujitsu daily. When he was 38, at the drop of a hat, with no training at all, he hiked 15 miles under duress with a 45 pound pack on and completed scary physical chanllenges along the way. Whats even better is that NOW, after becoming vegan for 2 months, he's totally trim and taught. AKA HOT. (which is FAR more than I can say for myself)
8. When you finally get to have sex with your husband, he's done in 3 minutes and you are left hangin. Frank, ever the gentleman, always lets me finish FIRST! He has this really incredible ability to "hold out", he can even do this really cool trick where he climaxes...but doesn't uh...make a mess. I realize this is pretty personal information but hey...when one is bragging...why stop at the boring stuff. In one of his careers Frank was doing R&D for a sex toy company so needless to say he's got a few tricks up his sleeve (or should I say down his pants? hmmmm) I'm a lucky lucky girl.
9. While your man is fun with your friends, he can't tone it down around your family, or...the other way around...Your man is great with your family but with your friends hes a BORE - My man mate is alwasy the perfect date. The first time I took him to a house party, he gave the host a run for his money on his own pool table and stayed up all night charming ALL of my friends (including my BEST Friend/ Lover) Furthermore when my man met my mom (who hates everyone) he charmed her too. She now refers to him as "my Frank" As in "Hi Ella honey, How's my Frank doing?". My friends love him, my family loves him, perfect strangers love him. Frank is a man you can take ANYWHERE, to a concert, a club, church or your gyno. You can bring him to work or take him hiking. He'll get dirty and cleans up NICE. Ahh how refreshing.
10. Your man plays football with his friends every Sunday or worse, just watches it - My man and I spend our Sundays together. Sometimes with friends, sometimes with out. Almost certainly there are no sports on. (Unless its the superbowl or we're at my mom's watching the Patriot's game) We do brunch, we go to the gun show, we do projects together, we catch a movie. The point is folks, my man and I get to spend some quality time together. He likes me and he shows it. I like him and he knows it. We have a blast together and apart but when it comes down to it. My man is there when I want him to be.

Alrighty then. As you can tell I could probably go on and on but lets take a moment and have a little reality check. OBVIOUSLY no one is perfect...Frank just happens to be perfect for me, and while he does have his flaws I can't remember what they are right now anyway.

Eat your heart out folks.
Love you Baby.
xo
El