Momentary Lapse of Vegan

If you were paying attention, and hung on my every word, you'd know that Frank and I decided to become Vegan at the beginning of this year. We committed to the first quarter of 2009 to "see how it would go". And we did it. Successfully. In fact it went so well we decided to continue on indefinitely.

One of my goals becoming vegan (among other things) was to lose some weight. Note that I have not lost one single pound in three months (actually 4 now). NOT ONE SINGLE POUND. And I've got about 20 to go. (in fantasy land 20, probably 10 would thrill me at this point) Even though I haven't lost a pound, however I've been feeling pretty good on my new vegan diet and I love the influx of vegetables and fresh fruits I've had in my life. However.. I don't love the influx of soy and carbs. Soy is evil, and if you want to know more about that, let me know and I'll do another post on it...in the meantime..back to my blathering about being fat.
It could be a lot of things. Stress makes you hold weight, and I'm pretty stresed out most of the time since I work 12 - 14 hour days. Or it could be lack of sleep...another thing that makes your body think its in crisis mode. It might be my colossal lack of excercize. That would make sense, or, YOU might think its because I eat like a pig. The truth is Y'all I do eat like a pig. Constantly shoving Something in my face. I may have an oral fixation they tell me since I quit smoking several years ago. However, even if I am eating like a pig, I am no longer eating things like cheese, cream, butter, burgers, and fries like a pig. Now I'm eating brown rice, and avocados, and broccolini, fruit, kale, beans and quinoa like a pig. Wouldn't you think that the mere change to less caloric foods, less animal fats and proteins would have me shedding the pounds? I mean I used to eat egg and cheese breakfast tacos EVERY SINGLE DAY! and at least one cheeseburger a week. Nope...not a pound has shed. Needless to say, I'm feeling a wee bit dismayed with my choice to eliminate so many things from my diet with so little weight loss reslut to show for it. (and by little I mean NONE)
So Frank and I think it might have to do with a wheat allergy. YUCK. So now.. vegan AND gluten free? NFW! (Thats No Fuckin Way if you couldn't figure out the acronym) I simply can't do it. And for the last two weeks I've been craving eggs like its nobody's business..
To top all this off, Frank went camping and did a 20 mile hike in the wilderness last week and went off the wagon hard core by eating freeze dried beef stroganoff and lasagna. I remained strong. Then Last night I texted him to see what he wanted to do about dinner and what did he say " I don't know but I'm hungry for some dense protien!" You may be asking yourself "uh, El, What the hell is dense protien?" but thats just cause you don't understand how Frank talks. What he meant was " I WANT SOME DAMN ANIMAL PROTIEN". That was the final straw. So I offered up fish as an option. He Jumped at the chance...and off we went to Central Market.
We bought Sable which is super buttery white fish at $10.00 a pound cheaper than our favorite Sea Bass. We got little mexican grape tomotoes, organic garlic, Italian white wine, Olives, Caper Berries, Onions and Lemons (for the zest) and I went right to poaching us some fish. MMMMMM. Folks, I don't know if you know this, but...I used to be a chef. I miss food damnit . I miss cooking things with butter...I miss cream. Less the cream than the butter. I miss cheese. I miss eggs and I totally missed Fish!
I served this lovely flaky, buttery white fish poached in garlic wine and grape tomato broth over a bed of garlic sauteed spinach. We drank the wine I didn't use in the poaching and topped the whole dish off with a mince of olives, lemon zest, caper berries and parsley as well as the wine poached tomatoes. It was delicious. I feel great. Isn't it crazy that being bad now means eating poached fish with my veggies?!?!?! Fuck that. I can't feel guilty about poached Fucking Fish! On the other hand I'm not ready to give up my new found health and regularity by maowing down on a giant cheeseburger either. So I'm back on the vegan wagon Today.
I'm considering changing my status from Vegan to ...
Gluten Free, Lactose Intollerant, Organic Cage Free Ovo, Wild Caught Pescatarian. Look that shit up. Then come over for dinner. Mmmmmmmmm

I encourage feedback from all you vegans and non out there.

Skinny Bitch

Chapter 1: Itty Bitty
So... I'm a pretty small person (Five foot two). However, I used to be significantly smaller and I'm not sure what happened. Well, ok, I have a pretty good Idea what happened actually. I'm almost certain it has something to do with being 30 something, not working out and working in a bakery. All that aside, I miss my collar bones, my hip bones, my 4 pack abs and the 17 pairs of size 6 jeans I have that used to fit me. On top of all that, this new foray into being thicker is making me realize just how vain I really am and its making me a wee bit cranky.

Chapter 2: A picture of health
I don't have allergies, I never get the flu shot, or the flu. I don't have a single cavity in any of my 30 remaining teeth (I had two of my wisdom teeth pulled out). I have never broken any bones or had any organs removed....all in all... I'm a picture of health. Or at least I was...until I went through this crazy party phase when I turned 30.

Chapter 3: Party like its 1999
My wife of seven years (Corporate Bitch Barbie) dumped me! Soooooo . . .Genius that I am, I popped a bunch of diet pills to keep me up at night, drank gallons of beer and slept with a plethora of beautiful babes conveniently delivered to me by my best friend and bedmate Leo. I ended up with the flu that year. And a yeast infection that never really entirely went away. (ew. gross, I know) This should've been a simple problem to fix however, it doesn't seem to be as simple as it looks. I've tried wholistic remedies, anti fungals, anti biotics, refraining from sex, refraining from sugar, refraining from drinking....and so forth. Still ... the damned thing just keeps coming back, and now...I have a weird little fungal rash on my belly to boot. (I'm blaming the yeast - its gone systemic)

Chapter 4: 2009 will find a cure.
I decided to do the candida diet starting January first to fix all my woes. This is the craziest diet on earth. You basically can't eat anything but organic vegetables, brown rice and well...yeah thats pretty much it. Including condiments (no soy sauce, no vinegar, no... well, no-nothing) and no wine. This is supposed to give your body the chance to recover and heal itself. Some say it could take up to three years.....WTF!!!!????.

Chapter 5: Skinny Bitch
So for Christmas I told my family PLEASE don't buy me any clothes. I already don't fit in the clothes I've got and I refuse to ask for larger sizes. From my sister, instead of clothes, I got a book. The book is called Skinny Bitch...which my sister now affectionately refers to as "Skinny B". So I read Skinny B on the plane ride home and was completely compelled, convinced and otherwise connived into becoming a skinny b myself. Its a good read. I highly recommend it. These ladies have a real no nonsense way of laying out how they think you should live your life, and as it turns out, they think you should be VEGAN! WHAT?!?!?! I know. However..compared to the Candida diet, this one looked like a cinch, AND since the book is called Skinny B, I just knew eliminating animal products like meat, cream, cheese and butter would make me thin. ( I was half way health nutted out already - aside from my brief totally detrimental party period) I decided the ladies were right and I would put off the Candida thing and try out the Skinny B thing....I decided to give it the first quarter of 2009.

**Side note - animal products and refined sugar turn your body acidic allowing disease, fungus and bacteria to grow. Fruit & vegetables turn your body alkaline and DO NOT allow bacteria to grow. I assumed becoming vegan would assist in eliminating the yeast for this reason.

Additionally I was already totally disgusted by large factory farming practices and trying to eat organic to avoid eating contaminated, cruel foods.
So I'm not doing this JUST to be skinny**

Chapter 6: Reality Bites
I've been Vegan since January 1. I haven't cheated. I haven't lost a single pound and I have a fucking yeast infection again. I think the book should be renamed "over the top, lying, vegan bitches".

Chapter 7: The Upside
On a more possitive note...I am more regular, I am less hungry, I just started doing yoga again and I still have hope. (and two more months left in the first quarter) My boyfriend, Frank the Saint, says we're doing the right thing. (he joined me in my crusade, primarily to be supportive I think)

I'll let you know how it goes.

Thanks for reading,
Ella